No, not Star Wars from the Reagan era, I’m talkin’ the Star Wars movies. I found a new blog post which points out many of the massive defects in the Star Wars universe. Yes, I know this is only related to History in the sense that it has been over 30 years since the first movie came out, but hey it’s Friday and this subject brings warm feelings to my heart.
Watching all six movies, and watching the quality tank over the years, I’ve had a long time to compile my own list of grievances about the galaxy far far away… but to start, here is John Scalzi’s Guide to the Most Epic FAILs in Star Wars Design. I have no idea who John Scalzi is, but he knows his flaws and so I’ve taken an instant liking to him.
My BIG THREE flaws in the Star Wars Universe would look something like this;
1. As George Lucas you have billions of fans, billions (probably) of dollars, and took years to develop the follow up movies (Episodes I-III) – how in the world did you manage to get such deplorable storyline? I never believed for a second that the child who gleefully ran around yelling “YIPPEEE” in Episode I is destined to become Darth Vader. And there is nothing in any of the movies that makes me believe Padme and Anakin could end up together.  Since this believability is central to the entire saga it ruins everything when it comes to building the Darth Vader character. I’ve seen better romance on South Park.
2. The Empire has limitless resources across the galaxy. Why is it that they constantly engage in fistfights on the surface of planets? Why not design a spaceship designed to carry massive bombs which just drop out of the atmosphere and crash on top of the enemy army standing in the open field? Simple.
3. Other than sacking Admirals, doing high jumps, and moving boxes, is the “Force” REALLY the most powerful thing in the universe? Vader talks it up as the end-all of power, but many Jedi fighters bought the farm pretty easily when the fly people attacked them, and even Darth Vader couldn’t prevent the parking lot accident when his Star Destroyer scratched the paint off another. What is all powerful in that? For a super power, the Force is pretty lame.
What drives you mad when you watch Star Wars? This could fill a book for me – but I actually enjoy watching the movies. I classify it as so-bad-its-good. Maybe I’ll pop one in tonight to celebrate. 
Happy Friday!
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Great History said:
[...] I couldn’t help myself. I had to write a follow up Star Wars piece; http://greathistory.com/epic-star-wars-flaws.htm [...]
August 21st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Tracey McCormick said:
I always wondered why Luke was more upset about the death of Obi-Wan than of his family. More upset over a man he knew for what – a few days – than the family that raised him?
C’mon.
August 21st, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Jim H. Moreno said:
Excellent! And not to forget about the whole time Luke was training on Dagobah in incorrect temporal relation to the Millennium Falcon traveling to Cloud City.
August 21st, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Titus Oates said:
I am of the age that saw “IV” when it premiered and the press thought “light sabers” were “life savers.” I also know that Lucas worte the lame “I-III” story line way back when.
But I am offended by the weak science. For instance, the “Imperial Walkers” in “Empire Strikes Back.” Giant, lumbering, top heavy metal elephants? They looked good on the screen, but who would be stupid enough to build one? Slow, unstable and inefficient. If you have anti-gravity speeders, why build a machine with legs and joints and which “walks”?
August 21st, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Peter Suciu said:
There are countless problems I have with Star Wars. But honestly, as a child I loved the first two films (i.e. Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back), but by the time the third film had come out (Return of the Jedi) I had discovered “real” history. It amazes today that many fans can name minor characters, know the unseen backstory and have debated the events, but yet can’t find Zanzibar on a map or understand the situation of warring factions in parts of Africa and the Middle East.
Real history has stories so much better than what George Lucas created. How did a real Republic (Rome) transform into an empire? How did Napoleon become an emperor, and so on. Hannibal marched elephants through the alps, and some of the Samurai era battles were as colorful as anything in sci-fi. But most viewers of Star Wars would be bored silly by this real history.
And that said, I actually I enjoy Parts II & III the most (not saying they are best, but come on Empire Strikes Back is really not as good as the hardcore fans think). These two stories serve well enough. If you had to ONLY see two movies this fit together best, would introduce characters and see a reasonable conclusion.
As far as problems with the films. I have plenty:
1) Why is the admiral clearing shuttles in Return of the Jedi? That shouldn’t even be the job of a ship’s captain, yet the admiral personally clears the shuttle with Han, Luke, et al. Talk about micro managing.
2) Luke joins the rebels pretty easily. He is all gung ho to go to the Academy, but then joins up with a bunch of rebels. Does he even care about the causes of the rebellion?
3) The empire needs bounty hunters? Let me ask that again, the empire needs bounty hunters. With all the various Storm Troopers and other troops they have no elite forces to hunt down Han? And for that matter, why find Han and Leia? Couldn’t you just put a bounty on Luke?
4) The Millennium Falcon has no hyper drive while being chased by the empire and bounty hunters. So wouldn’t that make Hoth pretty close to Bespin, planet with the cloud city? Without light speed how far could the ship travel in such a short amount of time?
5) The Republic wins a major civil war, becomes an empire and seems to have limitless men… but the rebels defeat them with a handful of men and ships. The rebeles don’t even seem to have any major capital ships, yet manage to defeat the empire at Hoth. Did the Emperor have Stalin-esque purges of anyone with a brain?
6) Why does the Death Star need to “clear the planet” to destroy the moon at Yavin? Wouldn’t blowing up the planet destroy the moon in the process? And for that matter how does the Death Star travel? It made it to Yavin pretty darn fast, but then had to slow down and all to “clear the planet.”
7) Finally, Luke has NO Jedi training when he joins the rebels. OK, he has some training with the floating ball. That’s next to nothing. He goes to Yoda and then goes and fights Darth Vader, gets his hand cut off and that makes him a Jedi? Did he take a correspondence course on being a Jedi? Is there an online program? And somehow he defeats a man who has been called “a very powerful Jedi.” OK, maybe the lack of arms and legs did something. And since the Jedi Force Power is in the blood, maybe Anakin/Darth Vader lost his mojo after the fight with Obi Wan – who didn’t age well in the dry air.
August 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Animated Emoticons said:
While I have watched the new starwars films and enjoyed them they will never have the cult appeal of the original movies.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:55 pm